children Archives - Old Mom Diaries

January 15, 2018

#31 – It’s Just Not Fair!

You may think that I’m writing this after some sort of toddler fit. Nope. Old Mom is having her own toddler moment and I just need to vent, because our family sleep situation is just not fair.

I was a great sleeper. Every night I went to bed when my parents told me to. I went right to sleep unless my sister was feeling a little chatty. But even on those days, I fell asleep to her chatter. I happily took a nap every day until I went to school. And even after I went to school, I took naps on the weekend. I wasn’t just a great sleeper – I was the sleeper that every parent dreams of.

Fast forward forty years.

My kids are not good sleepers. Sweet Boy had a lot of medical issues that made it difficult for him to sleep as a baby. As a toddler, his asthma medications kept him wired way beyond when he should have been going to bed. Now as we are preparing him for kindergarten, the boy spends hours after his “bedtime” building with his different styles of blocks and reading his hidden pictures magazines. There are many nights that I fall asleep before he does.

Now girlie was a much better infant sleeper- except for that 16 teeth in 8 months period. But the toddler years have not been so successful. She likes to explore at bedtime. She will go into her brother’s room to play with his toys. Or sometimes she’ll go into my room and re-sort the laundry. My favorite though is when she goes into the bathroom to try every toothbrush. Really what she’s doing is killing time until her brother’s bedtime so she can play with him for a little longer.

Nap time is a joke in the old mom house. They will not sleep if they are on the same floor. One child needs to sleep on the couch downstairs or they will just play the whole time. And they try to be sneaky about it. One kid tiptoes into the other kid’s room and they gently close the door. Then they remind each other to whisper so they don’t wake mommy and get in trouble Seriously?!?!?!?! They slam doors and scream like banshees all day but they actually remind each other to whisper so they can play at nap time.

So now what?

Believe me, I know that each kid is going to have a different sleep schedule, but my kids are so obviously tired that they need more sleep. They don’t want to get up after a late night. They whine and tantrum when they don’t nap well. I don’t have any answers for getting them to sleep better because I really don’t understand it. I love to sleep. When I’m tired, I sleep (well now with these two I sleep or have a coffee). I’m trying to get their schedule more consistent. We have a bedtime routine with stories and songs, hugs and kisses. I’ve read the articles. I’m trying all the best practices. But I just can’t relate.

All I can do is remind myself (again) that this is a phase that will pass. Also, I need to remember that there is a positive side to all of this. They are playing together. They really are great playmates. I’m a little nervous about them plotting together in their teenage years, but for now, it’s all good stuff as long as daddy can stay up with them at night. Because old mom is going to sleep.

December 30, 2017January 1, 2018

#29- No More New Year’s Resolutions

This year I will not be teaching my kids to make New Year’s Resolutions. There will be no grand gesture to stop bickering, clean our rooms more often or eat more veggies. I know it’s tradition, but here’s why it’s not going to be our tradition.

Change is good. Self-Improvement is good. But it has to happen when a person is ready. A drug addict does not succeed in rehab unless they really want to be there. A healthy exercise plan does not work if the person isn’t truly dedicated to what they are doing. And the same is true for children.

I want my children to have a healthy relationship with themselves. All their strengths and weaknesses are a part of what makes them unique. What I really want for them is to learn to use their strengths and weaknesses to become successful adults.

Could Sweet Boy resolve to be friendlier in 2018? Sure, but strangers make him very uncomfortable. And with his great number skills, I could see him being a great accountant or programmer someday where he doesn’t have to work with strangers a lot. Could Girlie resolve to be less bossy in 2018? She could, but she’s actually really good at communicating what she wants and that could translate into her being a great leader.

As for cleaning their rooms, eating their vegetables and bickering less- we worked on all those things in December, and we’ll still be working on them in February. They are not just January goals. As they grow older, they will realize that a clean room makes it easier to find their toys, their tummies feel better when they eat their vegetables and kind words are more effective than bickering words. They will realize those things when they are ready and hopefully they will commit to those basic concepts at some point. I’m quite sure it will be because they really want to not because the calendar tells them it is time to make resolutions.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2018.

Photo by marcoverch

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December 16, 2017

#27- Fear

Fear is a natural state unless you are a teenage boy. Children fear being alone, twentysomething’s fear the unpredictability of their future. How will I pay the bills? Is that car going to crash into me?

And being a parent has its own set of fears. When my baby falls, will he get hurt? Will my tween get bullied in school? Is my teenager going to get in trouble drinking? Am I teaching this little being to grow to be a happy, productive member of society? Will my kids stay healthy? Will I be around as long as they need me? Am I teaching them little nuggets of wisdom that will help them as they journey through life?

Tangent warning (It will all come back around. I promise):

Today as I was driving with my kids, I saw a car with a tire that was ready to pop. The kids asked me why I pulled over and let that car pass me and why I slowed down. I told them that I could see that car had a problem with the tire and if the tire popped, the car would be difficult to control. I wanted to stay away from the car if that happened.

As I said it, I heard my dad’s voice. From the time I was small, he was always talking to me about how to drive safely. If you can’t see a truck’s mirrors, they can’t see you. Bridges freeze first. Tractor-trailers cannot accelerate or brake as fast as cars. He always passed along that advice any chance he got, and I know it has helped me avoid a few accidents over the years.

We are nearing what would have been his 69th birthday, and next month will be the 16th anniversary of the heart attack that took him from us.

Back to Fear

My dad passed when he was just 53. He never met any of his children’s spouses or any of his grandchildren. When I am 53, my son will be 16 and my daughter will be 14. As an old mom, this thought haunts me all the time.

What can I do about genetics? I take my cholesterol pills, I have never even tried a cigarette, and never will. I’m exercising regularly and trying to eat healthy on a tight budget in an effort to lose some extra pounds. I sing every day too – it reduces stress. As my doctor bluntly told me, “After 40, you really can’t fight genetics and an unhealthy lifestyle.”

When I don’t want to exercise, I look at my kids. I know that the health and fitness experts would say I should do it for me, but I have to say, these two cutie pies are pretty good motivation.

More Fear

On Black Friday, I skipped the shopping and went for my yearly mammogram. I got a call from the doctor late that afternoon. There is a change from last year in my left breast.

“It is probably just a cyst,” he said. “But let’s get a few more images to be sure.”

I have my follow up next week. Four weeks after the first. For these four weeks, I have been trying to hide the fear of what this could be while creating a happy holiday season for my children. There are days I am successful. There are days I am not. The day we put up the tree, we realized most of our lights were ruined by a flood in the basement a few weeks earlier. I somewhat manically marched everyone down to CVS at 7:00 at night so we could all have that Christmas happiness in the house right now (Dammit!).

As a music teacher, I am also right in the middle of concert season. I consider these weeks with my students to be the weeks where lasting memories are made. In any given year, it is a challenge to calmly teach and encourage them while they are Santa-Crazy and Snow-Bonkers. But I work hard at it, and I think I’m pretty good at it. This has not been any given year, but I still try to remember that these kids deserve that happy memory and it is my job to help them get there.

I have waited with the fear for three weeks, and there is just one week to go. The friends and family I have told have been incredibly supportive. Some reminded me that they would have brought me in right away if it looked really bad and others saying that cysts are common in well-endowed women (damn big ta-tas).

And in this week there are presents to wrap, concerts to run, cookies to bake and holiday merriment to be had. The fear is there, but so is life. And I guess that’s really the point.

Photo by RalphArvesen