I’ve seen all the memes about surviving a daughter. People send them to me because they know my daughter. Her strong will now will translate into being a strong woman later. And all those memes are great reminders for about 30 seconds. But when you are living with a willful daughter, an adventurous daughter, a stubborn daughter, you need more than 30-second reminders.
Here are a few things I like to remember when I’m in the moment with my Girlie. And we have a lot of moments.
1. For the days when she won’t keep her clothes on:
Body image can be a tough thing for young girls. And for the moment she is very comfortable with her body. She loves playing and drawing on her round tummy. She loves feeling her toes in the sand or the muddy puddles (thanks, Peppa). She’s perfectly happy potty training in just her new undies in the middle of winter.
If I start telling her to cover up, what will that do to her now perfectly confident body image? For now, I’m proud of her confidence, and admittedly, a little bit jealous.
2. For the hour-long tantrums:
Girlie has been changing her sleep schedule this month. She’s close to three, and I can’t expect her to sleep 15 hours a day forever. But the changes have come with some mega-tantrums.
Last week was especially memorable. It was bedtime. She was in her PJs. I had the stories ready. She was not ready (really, she was well-past ready). My adorable little girlie screamed that she wanted to go downstairs for well over an hour. I calmly waited her out. I read stories to her stuffed bear and sang songs to her dolls. She kept going. My husband came up to make her laugh. But humor was not breaking this tantrum. I went into my room, kept the door open and started playing Sudoku on my phone. She kept screaming for a bit, but then she came over to see what I was doing. Aha!!! She liked the numbers and asked if she could sit with me- with a talking voice. We cuddled up on my bed and I let her put some numbers in the puzzle.
She was calm and ready for bed. So what made this miserable bedtime worth it? After her story, Girlie gave me the biggest hug ever and a kiss on the cheek and told me I was her best friend. Well, best friend, I really hope this night is a predictor of two things. First, I hope we will always be best friends. I hope you know deep in your heart, that I am here for you during the good, the bad and the ugly. Second, I hope you will still have this stubborn streak when you really need it- when peer pressure becomes a real thing. Be strong little one.
3. For the climbing adventures:
Girlie is a climber. Monkey bars – no problem. Kitchen counters – check. Giant rocks- yep, those too. I always watch her carefully, and I’m always right behind her if she falls. She doesn’t though.
Since I realized what a good climber she is, I’m actually kind of happy for her. My Girlie is an absolute mini-me, and I’m 5-2. She has a lifetime of stretching and climbing ahead of her. So I’m happy that she’s good at it.
4. For the days when she is bossy:
Girlie loves to tell everyone what to do. She’s closing in on three, so I think that’s to be expected. This week she was even bossy to the bath toys. “You’re a bad, bad monkey. You don’t live in the water. You live in the trees. Now sit right here criss-cross applesauce.”
Most of the time, she sounds like a little teacher, but sometimes she gets really pushy. It irritates me, but it really gets to her brother. She ends up starting a lot of arguments between the two of them. My husband and I don’t try to stop the bossiness. We both know it’s a phase that is common for kids her age. But we also want her to become a good leader. We try to help her find kinder ways to tell people what she wants, but we let her express herself.
Girlie could be a future teacher or business leader. She will need the tools to express herself with confidence. I’ve always found that the bosses that give passive instructions get frustrated when they are not followed and that frustration comes off as nastiness. Unfortunately, that quality seems to be more prevalent in female bosses. What if we started teaching our daughters to clearly and confidently express themselves from an early age? Maybe we could shape our girls to be better leaders. I think it’s worth the effort.
5. For the days when she creates a death trap out of the furniture:
Recently, Girlie started flipping her toddler bed over to make a slide. She started it as a slide for her stuffed animals, but the second time she builds this contraption, she decided to give it a try herself and ended up with a bloody lip. And yes, she recreated her slide again for her brother to try on another day. On that third day, we purchased a twin bed that she can’t flip over.
While I was completely horrified when I saw her slide, I must admit, it was a very clever idea. She gets lots of clever ideas that terrify me. Some are safer than others. Like when she tried to put one chair on top of another because she couldn’t reach the cookies with just one chair. Not as safe. But when she figured out how to make a see-saw out of an old board, you’ve got to tip your hat to the girl, especially since she’s never been to a playground with a real see-saw.
Girlie is discovering some pretty decent engineering concepts. She’s keeping the hair coloring industry in business by giving me a million grays, but she’s really using her noggin. She just needs really close supervision.
Look, every kid is different. Mine can be a handful. But as her parent, I want her to grow up to be the best person she can be. And that means loving her for all her strengths and weaknesses. It also means that a quality that may be trying on her mother could turn into one of her greatest strengths. So moms, just like the memes say- be strong, we will all get through it.
Photo by Citril 