Old Mom Diaries

September 16, 2017September 16, 2017

#12- My Monkey Girl

My Girlie is quite curious. And adventurous. And fearless. A “fun” combination for an already anxious mother. She was walking one week and climbing the next. I’ll share with you a few of our adventures.

At her first birthday party, she impressed our families by climbing the 5-foot rock wall on our playscape. All the grandmothers and aunts were ready to run to catch her and yelling for me to watch her while all the uncles were saying how cool Girlie was and debating which side of the family she gets it from.

She loved the stairs–even after falling down six of them followed by a few hours of “special mommy time” at the ER. After we got the gate up, she would stand there and wait for us to let her try again. “Don’t carry me!” She would say. Miss Independent, indeed.

The stove. Another of her favorites. One day I went upstairs to get dressed and came back downstairs to find her inside the oven. Yes. Inside the oven. Thank goodness it was a cereal day for breakfast. Another day I left some pizza on top of the stove and she stood on top of the broiler drawer to get another piece. It was good pizza.

By the end of the toddler summer, she was climbing to the top of the dome of monkey bars. My mom just watched her with her jaw dropped. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like her.” Those first six months after she started walking were pretty wild. She never got seriously hurt, but not for lack of trying.

The Club

Some of my work friends had a club. The second daughter club. It seems that when you have a son first and a daughter second, the girl has a tendency to be fearless in one way or another. They feel the drive to keep up with their older brothers and don’t want to be told that they are too little to try something. Some of the girls were dramatic, others were talkers. Some had an artistic flair in their adventures. Mine was the climber. My little monkey girl.

My poor boy. That summer was really hard on me, but I think it was even harder on him. I keep the kids home with me during the summer– one of the nice parts of being a teacher. Sweet boy was away from his friends, and old enough to realize it. Meanwhile, mommy could not take her eyes off of his little sister. You never knew when simply checking Facebook or the Amazon Deal of the Day could lead to a trip to the ER. Sweet boy was not getting the attention he needed, and he was not very happy that summer. His sad little face broke my heart. And some days, his frustrated antics broke my patience.

Like everything else, it was a phase that passed, although Girlie is still curious, adventurous and fearless. I think that was the biggest lesson of that summer. Each phase will pass. It may seem incredibly intense at the moment, but it will pass and a new phase will begin.

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September 14, 2017September 22, 2017

#14- Be Good to Yourself

The summer after Girlie turned one, I went for my physical. My doctor is a kind, but pushy older woman who switched from OB/GYN to family practice. When I went in and she saw my labs and my face, she let me have it. I had been neglecting self-care.

Four years of being pregnant and breastfeeding had taken its toll on my body and at 40 it’s much harder to recover. I had multiple vitamin deficiencies and my anxiety was clearly out of control. She got me on the right supplements and we had a long talk about how hard motherhood is. It’s emotional, exhausting and demanding. Then put together a sick boy, an energetic and adventurous little girl, a husband who works 60-80 hours a week and a 40 year old body that is on a hormonal roller coaster without any fuel.

I needed to stop expecting myself to feel normal and start asking for more help. My husband stepped up as much as he could. We both just assumed I had been so tired because I didn’t get enough sleep. Neither of us realized how out of balance my body had become. He would take Sweet Boy to some of his family-style work outings so I could rest while Girlie napped. He helped pick up a little more around the house. We made it work so I could truly recover.

Finding Jen

I starting finding a few projects that would make me happy. I started painting the inside of our new house. My husband looked at me like I was nuts every time I enjoyed a newly finished room. But the calmness of our now buttery rooms made me feel so much better than the chaos of our rainbow rooms. (Seriously, mint green, mauve, lavender, yellow and aquamarine all on one floor.) I fixed up our gardens. I had never been a gardener, but we had them, and it made me feel better to learn something new and bring some beauty to our yard. (Always keep learning. It’s good for your soul.) It felt so good to bring some sense of order and beauty to the chaos that had been the previous three years. And it felt amazing to give myself the time to do something to make myself happy.

So moms, take care of yourselves. Listen to your body. Give yourself some personal time. Trust me. I spent three years giving my all to my kids and taking zero time for myself. I hit rock bottom physically and emotionally. But I’m on my way back. One flower, one painted room, one workout, one diary at a time.

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September 12, 2017September 12, 2017

#11 – Baby Girl’s First Year was “The Blur”

The best way I can describe Girlie’s first year is “The Blur.” Between Sweet Boy‘s asthma and Girlie’s teething ear infections, there really was no time to be anything but a working mom. And I really didn’t feel like I was doing either part of it well.

Girlie had an ear infection on the weekend of my 40th birthday. My poor husband couldn’t do anything right. He offered to take the kids to day care so I could have some quiet time, and I snapped at him because it was half an hour out of his way. He offered to take the family to dinner and I told him I just wanted to stay home after five hours of sleep in the previous two nights.

At least I can say I was too tired to have any sort of 40ish mid-life crisis.

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy

Girlie was not easy when she wasn’t feeling well– still isn’t. She would only sit with me or her favorite day care teacher, and even that would only bring the crying down to a barely livable volume. If I left the room, everyone knew, including the neighbors. She got 16 teeth in eight months with an ear infection each time. She was really uncomfortable and really miserable for the first year. I think Girlie was about 18 months old before my husband felt like she didn’t hate him.

Sweet Boy’s asthma was really bad that year as well. He was on a three-tier preventative treatment program, but he still ended up at the pediatrician for steroids four times that winter. Poor kiddo was completely bonkers all winter. All that medicine left him completely unable to handle his emotions–something that is pretty difficult for a healthy 3-year-old.

It all became too much for me to handle. The doctor’s appointments, the weekly trips to the pharmacy, the exhaustion, the commuting, the non-stop crying, a husband with a very time-consuming job. I needed help, but there really wasn’t anywhere to turn.

Photo by quinn.anya

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September 7, 2017September 12, 2017

#10 – Are you her grandmother?

I really started feeling like an old mom after #2 arrived. I was up every night with Girlie and Sweet Boy was not taking any naps unless it was in the car. Certain things got left behind, like hair cuts, makeup, cooking. My husband helped, but he also had a very time-consuming job working 60 and 70 hour weeks.

It was at Girlie’s 3-month check-up that I first got asked if I was her grandmother. I was 39 and at the moment I looked like hell. I might have showered. Or not. I might have combed my hair. Or not. I probably had spit-up on me, but the question is really was it on my shirt, shorts or both. I was mortified, but I was just too tired to give the woman a piece of my mind.

A quick side thought– at the time of this appointment, the local hospital had just relocated the pediatric office to the same floor as the OB/GYN. I don’t think I was good advertising for the OB at that moment.

Turning insult into insight

When I got home, I started thinking about my friends who are close to 40. Altogether, we had kids of all ages, from infants to college. And there were some with no kids at all. So I reminded myself to be grateful. Grateful for the chance to be a loving mommy to two sweet kids–even if I did look like a grandmother.

Photo by USDAgov

It’s fruit fly season. Here’s how we get rid of them.

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September 3, 2017

#9- The Woodstock Fair, A Labor Day Tradition

Every family has their own traditions. One of ours is going to the Woodstock Fair, which has been held every Labor Day Weekend since 1860 in Woodstock, Conn.

The year my husband and I met, 2010, we were both at the fair, but we didn’t know it. I went for the music and the crafts. He went for the Ceremonial Native Americing Dancing that Boy Scout Troop 25 from Putnam has performed since long before hubby was a boy in the troop. We hadn’t known each other yet and we didn’t see each other at the fair, but we were both there.

In 2011, we were announcing our engagement to local friends at the Fair. In 2012, we were indulging in my early pregnancy cravings. Seriously, the only root beer float I’ve ever had was at the Woodstock Fair, while I was preggo with Sweet Boy. A few days before Labor Day weekend 2013 was Sweet Boy’s first case of croup. But the steroids had helped him feel better pretty quickly and we introduced the little guy to many friends at the Fair.

Friday Funday

Sweet Boy really started enjoying the Fair in 2014. That year I discovered the absolute best time to go to the Fair with young kids–Friday morning. The Woodstock Fair is open, but definitely not crowded. The animals, crafts, giant vegetables are all on display and easy to view. The food vendors are getting fired up. You walk into the smell of barbecue meats grilling, fresh kettle corn popping, apple crisp baking. For a food lover, it is absolutely intoxicating. The vendors are happy to talk to you about their crafts and their process because they aren’t swamped with customers. That year I was newly pregnant with Girlie and once again, but this time the heat and the fried food made me pretty queasy.

2015 was a huge development in our family’s love of the fair. I took both kids on Friday to see the agriculture displays, but later the weekend, all 4 of us went and Sweet Boy discovered his favorite part of the fair– the rides. Yes, at just 2-1/2 he was tall enough to try the kiddy rides (he’s still a giant). The train, the carousel, the tea cups– he loved them all.

Silly Old Mom memory– Survivor headlined that year. Half my friends thought the TV show, the other half thought the band. It was the band.

Woodstock Fair 2017

This year we enjoyed our yearly Friday morning trip, and it became a play date with some of Sweet Boy’s friends. Everything is just so friendly. A nice woman helped Sweet Boy wash his hands in the bathroom while I helped Girlie. We had a yarn spinner explain to the kids how she makes yarn from sheep wool and a weaver show them how she makes her fabrics. They climbed on the tractors (despite Old Mom reminding them to look with their eyes, not their hands). And at least half of the food vendors are from local organizations doing their yearly fundraisers. Booster clubs, Lions Clubs, Student Councils, Fire Departments. They all come together as a community to create a memorable event for visitors near and far. As I’m writing this, we are getting ready to go back for Day 2. Sweet Boy is too excited to put his socks on, and Girlie is babbling about getting a blue slushie from Daddy’s friends at the local Scout Camp‘s vendor booth and singing “The Animal Fair.”

And when we returned home from the fair, we had two very tired and happy kiddos. They loved the rides, the ginormous vegetables, the food, the Native American Dancing show, the children’s play area (can I just say- brilliant!!! Give the kiddos a spot for some quiet play so they can last a bit longer for the day). We saw friends from t-ball, day care, and scouting. We supported local agriculture, artisan vendors, churches, schools groups, and scout groups.

At just 4 years old, my son looks forward to the Woodstock Fair every year. My daughter will be talking about this weekend for weeks. This Fair will be a part of our family for many, many years to come.

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August 25, 2017August 31, 2017

#8 – ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE

#2 did not take long to join us (much like her brother). As an older mom, I am eternally grateful that I did not struggle with fertility issues. And I’m always sending prayers for those of you who are struggling.

We had a date night scheduled and I decided to take a test a few days early. Really, I wanted to know if I should have some wine or not. I looked at that stick, and there she was.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Advanced Maternal Age

For this pregnancy, I was definitely on the ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE track. Sweet Boy’s early arrival also added to the extra care I received. There was no medical explanation for my water breaking early, so the doctors watched for everything. I was at the office at least 3 times a month. Some parts of the extra care were wonderful, but some were not. I loved being eligible for the 13 week DNA blood test. It was so cool to tell people that we were having a girl right away. The weekly hormone shots in the bum–not so cool.

My husband was the one to administer them. As much as I didn’t like getting the shots, I’m pretty sure that, joking aside, he liked giving them to me even less.

Having an ultrasound every two weeks to watch our baby girl grow– awesome. Cervix checks every two weeks–not so awesome.

Honestly, being pregnant with a toddler in tow was not as tough as you might think. Sweet Boy had such an easy going temperament. He sat quietly in his stroller during all my appointments with nothing more than PBS kids on my phone and a few goldfish. His asthma did start to show up that winter, but he was so cuddly when he was sick that I didn’t mind. Plus, he was excited for his new sister to arrive. I could already tell what a good big brother he was going to be.

Thankfully, there were only a few minor issues with my second pregnancy. I needed a C-section because you just can’t fit a 15 cm head through a 5 cm hole, but Girlie arrived safely and healthy at just under 10 pounds.

I didn’t feel like an old mom at all. Yeah, I could totally handle this. (Can you hear 41-year-old me laughing at 39-year-old me?)

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August 23, 2017August 29, 2017

#7 – The Perfect Summer

Being home with my toddler for nine weeks was such an amazing time. After getting his ear tubes, Sweet Boy’s vocabulary exploded. He loved stories and he really loved his First 100 words book. Even at 16 months or so, it was clear that my boy loved to learn.

We had an apartment across from the town beach and we would play in his over-sized sandbox a few mornings every week. I didn’t take him when it was busy though because I was appalled by some of the music the younger parents played for their kids. With his vocabulary exploding, I really didn’t want him learning words like booty or effing or anything like that. Does that make me old? Maybe.

Feeling old

One day a week we would try one of the local children’s museums. I listened to the younger moms, but I didn’t really talk with them. They always looked so perfect. Nails done, hair free of grays. It had been so long since my last manicure or dye job, I felt completely out of place. I was blessed with younger looking skin (Thanks, Mom and Gram), so I didn’t get asked the “Grandmother” question (yet), but I just felt like my priorities were different.

Maybe those younger girls had well-off families. Maybe they weren’t starting over financially after moving for love. And just maybe they were just really good with a bottle of nail polish. But I always felt out of place. So I played with my son instead of interacting with the other moms. Sometimes I wonder if I was doing him a disservice by not encouraging him to play with the other kids more, but I can’t change that now.

Family Time in Our Perfect Summer

Weekends were time for family outings. We visited my siblings and their kids. We went hiking or to scout camp with my husband. And we took Sweet Boy to the baseball field and made his very first baseball card. It was such a perfect summer for the three of us.

As Sweet Boy started sleeping more and we started sharing some of our favorite things with the young one, we grew more confident and comfortable as parents. So we decided that it was time for #2.

Photo by Ryan Polei | www.ryanpolei.com

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August 22, 2017September 1, 2017

#6 – My Favorite Summer Kid Quotes

Today is the last day of my summer vacation. On Monday, I will be back to work teaching music every day, while my kids will be back to their lovely home daycare with their friends and their second family. As a tribute to this time with my kiddos, I thought I would share with all of you a few of my favorite kid quotes from this summer. Things that really made me laugh. My apologies if the language offends anyone.

Great Kid Quotes

Sweet Boy: “If I have to go to the doctor’s office, can I go to the one near Dave and Busters?”
Girlie ( a huge Blue’s Clue’s fan): We just got an e-mail, “We just an e-mail. We just got an e-mail. I wonder who it’s from.” (Are you singing it too?)
Sweet Boy: (during my new workout video): “Mommy, I don’t have to shake it do I?”
Sweet Boy (I made meat sauce instead of sauce and meatballs): “Can you use some frosting to put the meat into meatballs?”
Girlie at lunch (What I heard): “He has boobies. I have an ass hole.” (What she actually said): “He has blueberries. I have an apple.”
Girlie: “Mommy, You went tinkles on the potty! Good job! I’m so proud of you.”
And my favorite quote of the summer from Sweet Boy: “Mommy, we’re hooking things. That means we’re hookers.”

And there you have it. If you ever feel overwhelmed with the challenges of being an old mom, a young mom, a step-mom, a fur mom or any kind other kind of mom, remember the little moments. The laughter, the hugs, watching them grow up into good people– there’s nothing like it.

Photo by Cristiano Betta

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August 19, 2017August 25, 2017

#5 – Ear tubes and … answers!

When we first met the Pediatric ENT at Connecticut Children’s Medical Center, my first thought was, “This GIRL is going to take care of my boy?” She was probably 30 or so, definitely not pushing 40 like Old Mom here. And she kept focusing on the croup instead of the ear infections. Sweet Boy had already had eight ear infections and developed an immunity to Amoxicillin. His pediatrician hadn’t mentioned that the four cases of croup could be a problem. Clearly, she was too young to know what was really important. She asked if she could do a bronchoscopy when she did the surgery to put in his ear tubes. Sure. He’s out anyway.

#1’s surgery was booked for six weeks later. He got another ear infection in that time, and my exhaustion turned into some serious nastiness. I was so stressed about getting his tubes. They couldn’t do the procedure if he had an infection, and the infections just kept coming.

Surgery Day, the Ear Tubes go in

Six weeks passed and surgery day arrived. Poor kiddo couldn’t eat breakfast and there really isn’t a good way to explain that to a 15-month-old. They got my hungry, cranky boy prepped and we all glanced around the pre-op area. Some of those kids were really sick. Really, really sick. So hungry boy screamed for food, and we just hugged him close, thankful that we were here for ear tubes and not something more.

About an hour after he went in, the doctor came out to talk to us. I had to eat my humble pie. The tubes went in nicely, but Young Doctor found two problems during that scope, and they really weren’t playing nice together. Sweet Boy had acid reflux and a cleft in his larynx (ya, that’s pretty rare). The 15 months of sleepless nights were because he was in pain. It all started at 6 months because that’s when he started eating solid food (although we still call that day care “The Germ Factory”). The ear infections were so frequent because his stomach acid just pooled in his throat and the fluid in his ears had no place to go. He didn’t present like a typical reflux patient because the cleft kept him from vomiting (although after having #2, maybe #1 did have excessive spit up).

It all made sense. He started taking reflux meds and FINALLY, he started sleeping (I think Handel himself may have heard me singing “Hallelujah”). She would repair the cleft in a future surgery.

Connecticut Children’s

To date, Sweet Boy has had three surgeries at Connecticut Children’s. He has also seen the aero-digestive team for a team approach to his medical issues. We have always been incredibly happy with his care at this hospital. Whether its giving him a stuffed bear after surgery or a set of Duplo Blocks during a long day of 3 or 4 appointments, singing him “Five Green and Speckled Frogs” to calm him before a hearing check, looking for the monkey in his ear to check for infection or knowing that blue freeze pops really do fix everything when you are scared to stay overnight in a new place, everyone at Connecticut Children’s Hospital is amazing.

Summer vacation started a few weeks after his first surgery and this old mom enjoyed every moment with her toddler. For three whole months, I was rested. Then came #2….

Photo by Internet Archive Book Images

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August 19, 2017August 25, 2017

#4 – Sleep Like a Baby???

Number 1‘s first year was filled with so many ups and downs. He was such a sweet boy. Still is, but now he’s 4 and knows everything (He still doesn’t believe me that the green stuff on a pond is called algae, not allergy). I absolutely adored finally having the chance to take my baby for walks, sing him lullabies, watch him hit all his milestones early, even as a preemie. I was so proud of my Sweet Boy.

He was just 7 weeks old, playing on the floor with him as we watched the news coverage of the Boston Marathon Bombing. Suddenly, he rolled over from his belly to his back. It was the only happy news on my Facebook feed. I like to think that sweet boy brought a little bit of happiness to a small part of New England that day.

I over-shared everything. Every cute picture, every trip to the store, and every new food. It all went up on social media. I was so happy to finally get my turn to be a mommy that I just had to tell everyone. (Incidentally, this is the reason I’m not using their real names or pictures. They’ve been shared enough.)

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

But there was the other side of it all. #1 was a terrible sleeper. For the first 6 months, he only slept in his car seat or on my chest. Of course, I had read horror stories about babies dying when they fall asleep with a parent. I was just too afraid to let myself sleep too. He was my boy. My job was to take care of him. Mothers are supposed to be selfless. On the good nights, we kept the infant stroller in our room so we could keep him nearby while he slept in his car seat. His favorite place to sleep though was always with mommy. And I always let him, as I played solitaire on my phone and felt him breathe.

At 6 months, I put my foot down. The boy must sleep in a crib. He was starting day care and would need to sleep flat in a pack and play. Plus I was starting back to work and I actually needed to shower, commute, teach small children and come home to cook and clean. I would need to get some sleep. He finally got in the crib after a few weeks of tears (mine and his), but he was never able to fall asleep in there. It just broke my heart to hear him cry while he was laying there. So we always let him fall asleep on us and gently placed him in his crib, if possible.

In fact, I think one of my husband’s favorite memories with Sweet Boy was playing Baby Beatles on the computer while watching him drift off to sleep. I would pray that he wouldn’t wake up when laying him down in his crib. My husband would pretend he was Indiana Jones. If he woke up, the process would start all over again.

I had this horrible guilt about it. I had read every article on sleep training (during my solitaire breaks) and I was doing it all wrong. My much younger mom friends were doing “the right thing” for their babies, but only “the wrong thing” worked for us…

Photo by treehouse1977

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